dying wish
by mattiesaurus
Summary: ok im just gonna post this because I kind of want to continue it but I want feed back from more then two people before I do. this is just a small portion of a huge story i have written in my head, this is just the only part written down tho. so if you read this please, please message me with some feed back. uvu self-indulgent shippy angst fic, gomen. Warning: character death.
1. Chapter 1

_Coming home and finding Enma collapsed on the bathroom floor was the scariest moment of my life. Scarier then any battle I'd fought, scarier then any enemy I've faced… He had clearly vomited blood; there was still some dripping from his lips. The stark contrast from his blood made his complexion look white. My own stomach dropped, because at first I thought he wasn't breathing. When I picked him up his eyes opened a little though. Then he just gave me this stupid, apologetic, smile and said, _"I know it's my turn to make dinner, but I'm not really feeling well. I'm sorry." _That was three days ago… He hasn't woken up again since._

It was late November, and raining. It wasn't cold enough to snow, but it was one of those awful half frozen slushy rains. The sound of it hitting against the window was just one more rhythmic sound to fill the room. It was late afternoon, but the heavy cloud cover made it dark and there was only one small lamp on in the little hospital room.

Tsuna rubbed his face tiredly. He hadn't slept much for the past three days, for that matter he hadn't even moved much. Not that he felt like doing either. He let out a shaky breath and stroked Enma's hand with his thumb. There was nothing he could do. There wasn't anything anyone could do, and even if he knew that he still hated not being able to help him. For the first time since graduating high school he really felt like 'no-good Tsuna' again. He quietly lifted Enma's hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles.

"Are you going to sleep all day again? It's not good for you to keep sleeping this much… I wish you'd wake up soon." Just like yesterday and the day before Enma didn't respond. Tsuna sighed softly and interlaced their fingers, the matching gold bands on their ring fingers clicking together softly.

He didn't remember falling asleep but the next time he looked at the clock it was a little after ten pm and someone had draped a blanket over his shoulders. It was still raining. Enma's hand twitched lightly in his sleep and Tsuna gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Don't worry. I'm still here."

"Tsu-…" Enma's voice cracked, cutting off his words, and was barely even audible.

Tsuna's breath caught in his throat for a moment, and the tears of relief that were starting to form felt hot.

"Oh, God… Enma… Thank God…" He pressed a hand against Enma's cheek and rubbed the tears away with the other. He started to move to go inform someone at the nurse's station but Enma grabbed his hand lightly and he stopped.

"Wait… Stay with me for a while first. Please?"

Tsuna bit his lip slightly, he had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't quite put a reason to. He sat down on the bed and slid his arm under Enma's shoulders and pulled him tight to his chest. Enma pressed his face against Tsuna's neck and smiled a little.

"You smell good…"

Tsuna breathed a soft laugh and kissed Enma's hair, "I haven't showered in three days though."

"Tsuna smells like Tsuna so it's nice."

"If you say so."

They stayed like that for a brief, indefinite amount of time. Tsuna kissing Enma's head and face repeatedly, holding him tighter then he ever had before. Enma didn't move, or speak again and Tsuna wondered if he'd fallen asleep again. But then Enma raised his hand to Tsuna's cheek and Tsuna could feel it shaking, like it took all his energy just to keep it here. He placed his own hand over Enma's and leaned over to kiss Enma when prompted. The kiss was quiet and brief and more loving and passionate then when they were married. When they pulled apart Enma's breathing was shaky and labored and that dark pit formed in Tsuna's stomach all over again.

"Enma…?"

"I'm sorry… I wanted to spend more time with Tsuna. I'm sorry…"

_Time of death: November 29__th__, 11.03 PM_

Tsuna buried his face in Enma's hair and clutched him tighter to his chest. His shoulders shook slightly as he started crying. Even as Enma's body went cold and stiff he sobbed and begged Enma to wake up again. He wouldn't move or relinquish Enma's body until Dino arrived around 4 am. Even then it was only after he had to physically remove Tsuna from the room. Tsuna struggled against Dino's hold, sobbing and screaming.

"Dino, let go! You have to let me stay with him! He hates sleeping alone! He gets nightmares and…!" He jerked his body forward trying to break Dino's grip again and then slouched defeatedly, "Don't take him away… please…"

Dino sighed softly and gently pressed Tsuna's head down to his shoulder. He didn't say anything and just let Tsuna cry for a while before taking a step back giving him a small, reassuring smile and guided Tsuna by the shoulders towards the lift.

"Come on. I'll take you home."

_Enma's funeral was held on December 2__nd__. Three days after his death. One day after our second wedding anniversary. He was buried with his wedding ring, but for safety's sake I held onto the Shimon ring. I understand why, but still, it should have stayed with him, it meant so much to him. The ceremony and burial were just a blur. The only thing I clearly recall was that that day, it snowed for the first time that winter._


	2. Chapter 2

"Tsuna why are you still laying there, we're going to be late." Iemitsu shook Tsuna's shoulder lightly, trying to get him to move.

"Late…?" Tsuna echoed quietly, ignoring the prompt to move.

"To the airport, for our flight. You have to get up some time and we already made arrangements to fly to Japan to spend New Year's with Mom."

"Mn…" Tsuna curled up a little tighter and buried his face into the plush rabbit's fur, "I don't want to."

"That's nice. This isn't a suggestion I'm making as the outside advisor, this is advice I'm giving you as your father." He grabbed Tsuna by the shoulders and dragged him to his feet, "And as your father I'm not giving you a choice about this either. When was the last time you even showered?"

Tsuna shrugged slightly and Iemitsu sighed. He gently tugged the rabbit from Tsuna's grip and pushed him towards the bathroom.

"Go shower, I'll throw some things together for you."

Tsuna made to reach for the rabbit, but Iemitsu managed to guide him into the bathroom and closed the door. The shower turned on a few seconds later. Iemitsu set the rabbit back down on the bed and let out a heavy sigh. As a father it broke his heart to see Tsuna so completely broken. He was pretty sure that Tsuna was still wearing the same shirt he'd been wearing at the funeral.

Iemitsu guided Tsuna out of the house with hand pressed against his back. Tsuna just let himself be pushed along; it was too much effort to protest. He said nothing; just quietly clutched the plush in his lap and Iemitsu respected his silence. Iemitsu turned off the car and they sat there for a moment before he reached into his jacket pocket and handed something to Tsuna.

"Here. This was on your kitchen table."

Tsuna took what was handed to him and looked at it. It was a plain DVD in a paper sleeve. In purple sharpie were the words _"for Tsuna: in case I don't wake up"_ were written in Enma's handwriting. Tsuna felt his throat tighten and he bit the inside of his lip.

Iemitsu gave Tsuna a reassuring smile and rubbed his shoulder gently, "Come on, Mom's waiting for us."

"Nana! We're home!" Iemitsu called in the usual excited tone he had whenever he came home. Tsuna followed behind him, his blank expression remaining the same. Iemitsu still kept a hand on Tsuna's arm though.

As soon as they walked through the door the house exploded into a near riot. Even though the kids were in high school now they were as noisy as ever. Tsuna ignored or didn't notice the activity and just headed up the stairs to his room.

"Tsunii!" Fuuta called up to him from the bottom of the stairs, "Mama made a lot of food, aren't you gonna come eat?"

Tsuna shook his head, "I'm not hungry."

The grin on Fuuta's face faded. "I see… I'll make sure Lambo doesn't eat it all then in case you want some later."

Tsuna dropped his backpack on the floor and leaned against the door after closing it. At one point of another most of the small things in his room had moved with him to Italy, so the room felt a little empty. He hadn't realized how empty it had become, not having spent much time in there for several years. For the last five years even when he did come home to Japan he always stayed at a hotel with Enma. Tsuna sank down onto the bed and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. Even far away from their home he could feel the lack of Enma's presence weighing down on him.

Tsuna only glanced up again when he heard his door open. His mom came in and placed a tray of food on his desk.

"I thought you might change your mind about being hungry."

"Thank you…"

She sat down next to him and rubbed his back gently, "I also wanted to make sure you were doing alright."

Tsuna bit his lip and choked back a sob. He leaned his head against her shoulder, shaking his head and she rested her hand on it.

"No…" Tsuna's voice was tight as he held back tears, "I'm not alright at all."


End file.
